Saturday, February 7, 2009

Edgar Allan Poe Never Dog-sat!

Once upon a balmy Sunday, cleaning after all and sundry
After kids and dogs and husbands who had soiled my oak wood floors
While I vacuumed, loudly cussing, I became aware of rustling,
as of someone softly fussing, fussing at my front porch door.
“Someone else to clean up after, fussing at my front porch door.
Only this, and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly, I remember each “house-wrecking” family member
And I thought “I could dismember each one and come back for more!”
Eagerly I prayed for neatness, peaceful, precious, calm completeness
But I felt my dying sweetness melting on my living room floor,
Mixing with the pee and poo that stained my shining oak wood floor,
filthy here for evermore.

And the hurried, angry slopping of my frenzied sullen mopping,
Chilled me, filled me with fantastic rages never felt before;
So that now to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
“It is Xanax I am needing to calm down and clean the floor,
‘tis like candy I am eating Xanax as I clean the floor,
with some wine, and nothing more.”

Sending Jerry out I said “Stay gone, or I will have your head,
take Jenda with you and stay out for hours, two or three or four”
Angrily I started mopping, suds and steaming water slopping
As I set about to sopping, sopping filth from off the floor
Cleaning up the crap that curdled, curdled on my hardwood floors,
Nasty there, forevermore.

Presently I heard a flutter, mopping, I began to mutter
Cleaning up the pee and clutter that messed up my house before
Then I heard the noise again, a gentle sound upon the wind
That resonated outside on my front porch like a whispered word
Warily I peered outside, when screams within my throat just died!
Perched upon my porch rail was (I swear to God!) the LARGEST bird!!

Presently, my soul grew stronger, looking out the window longer,
“Bird,” I said, “Or Demon, how I wish you’d leave, I do implore;
But the fact is, my head’s splitting, strangely I do find it fitting
On my porch rail you are sitting, shitting on my front porch floor
That I hardly can believe it.” Here I opened wide the door.
Pigeon, shit, and nothing more.


Deep into the dusk I peered, with murderous dreams my heart was cheered,
Then I realized that I’d have to have to clean my porch like ne’er before
Then my reverie was broken, my garage door served as token,
and the “Mommy” word was spoken as I watched the hideous bird,
“Watch our Jenda!” and the pigeon murmured back the word
As he pooped another turd!

Through the almost endless evening, all his poop just had me heaving
Pigeon showed no signs of leaving, even after noise galore
Jerry just pulled up a chair and joined him in the balmy air
And the twilight o’er them streaming casts their shadows on the floor
And my task of work and cleaning, cleaning of my porch and floor
Shall be finished---Nevermore!

1 comment:

Christine said...

You had me at "frenzied sullen mopping." Absolutely divine description.